Thats right kids… the August Break is over and Congress will once again get together and make our laws. In celebration I feel that there is some legislation besides controversial health care reform that I would like to see discussed…
Zoo Reform (HR 123040-1234) This proposal would mandate that all polar bear habitat temperatures be raised 3 degrees to match their natural habitat. It would also call for free roaming seals and rhinos. Most importantly PETA would get a booth inside both the wolf and grizzly cages so they can make friends with them. (A side note would also stipulate they throw blood on them as they are wearing fur)
Equal Programming Act (SR email@example.com) This act is directed towards England. Since we made the Beatles legendary they have make sure Top Gear is on its current season on BBC America. It would also call for the “Office (UK)” to run subtitles… we have no idea what the hell they are saying. With that it would also require explanations for English comedy references, I demand to know what the fuck is so funny about Sussex.
I would also ask that they make soccer (football) more interesting… give the fuckers some swords or have a joust instead of penalty shots.
Declaration of War against Killer Whales- In a pole I took today via text that read: Attacking Killer Whales preemtively: Paranoia or strategic planning- 4 out of 5 said “strategic planning” and 1 said “marketing”. These seal eating fiends have gottent the taste for blood and now they want to kill… Americans. These Orca (Pussy) Whales have been training to come on to land and eat us. Why do you think they beach themselves? Rise against America!
Free Chocolate Milk Shakes (HR 1301242541895125912512591259125) Self explainitory.
Exile Kim Kardashian (HR 1) This would give Kim 1 week to leave the country other wise she goes in the cages with PETA.
I know that we can’t pass all legislation but if we could really work on the Kim Kardashian bill I would be happy… I mean Killer Whales aside- I hate that woman.
For those who read this religiously I know I mentioned polar bears and I said I would not talk about them.
This time in America is important, it always has been. I would suggest that you tune into CSPAN once aday and just watch the wonders of democracy work. If your high hit the SAP button and watch it in spanish. If your Spanish do the same and make up what they are saying to white people in the room. If your def watch the subtitles… and struggle with the closed caption typer to make sense of Nancy Polosi’s words. Play a drinking game… every time they say “yeild the floor” slam one. If your an alcoholic… well get help… CSPAN wont help that.
Happy America Yall,
Yeild the Floor! (Drink)