Above: Child Abuse? Nope, Its Halloween! (RIP Lobster Kid- delicious)
Halloween being two weeks away lets go over some office costumes that we should avoid….
1. A Drunk Homeless Man- Showing up to office drunk is a no no but worse is showing up to the office in rags. Lets avoid this, as its a violation of dress code.
2. A Penis- All qualms about phallic symbols aside, one should never show up as a large penis. I have seen this, you do not want to see this. I am sure people of both sexes have nightmares enough about giant penises attacking them… right? Right? I mean I never have but really there has to be… next one.
3. Dwight from the Office- This is more annoying that a no no. Plus your in an office- I bet some one there already reminds you of Dwight.
4. An Asshole- Come on. Bad idea especially if someone dressed as a Penis.
5. Dressing like your boss- You will fuck this one up. I don’t care who you are or who your boss is. Either you will over accentuate areas of your boss they wont like or you will really suck at being your boss and in turn make your self look stupid. If Mad TV sucks at impressions, there is no way you do it better.
6. Don’t Put a Twist on Something- When I was in third grade I decided that I wanted to make my own costume. It was going to be creative, it was going to be genius, it was going to be the envy of that fucker that dresses like Wilson from Home Improvement. I couldn’t think of anything good, so I put a white sheet over my head and cut some holes in it. I was a ghost. Me being myself I couldn’t leave it at that so I put a twist on the costume. I took an Native American blanket and rapped it around me… I was a ghost of a civil war soldier… fucking stupid. Worse that I couldn’t bring the musket to school so now I looked like the ghost of Poncho Villa. Point: don’t do a twist… especially if you can’t pull off the original.
7. Cat Ears- No one thinks your cute. Your not a cat. The drawn on whiskers don’t help.
8. Weather- Need I say more. If I see a storm cloud I will kick it in the nuts.
9. Green man- Great rule for any setting. Halloween would really suck with 100 green men running around. See Always Sunny in Philadelphia for a reference.
10. A sexy Nurse- In a hospital this may get in you in trouble in two ways- either your a real nurse and now your just a skank for the day or your not a nurse and now you have to treat people while looking like a skank- which I am sure breaks a law or two.
Happy Halloween! Burn and Pillage it all!