Cigarettes Kill


They kill. They will fucking kill you.

They will come to life while you sleep and beat the shit out of you.

Killer cigarettes pretend to be your friend. They will be friendly, like a pet tiger. Then when you least expect, they rip your fucking face off. No joke, tell your friend that smokes, cause we all have that one friend that smokes, his cigarettes want to kill him.

Sure like a friendly, fluffy lion. You think, “these things are manageable, and they understand me. There is no way it will put my head in its is mouth and eat my fucking brains!” They will.

Its alot like a puma. Friendly and agile, it can retrieve a Frisbee or… a small child- like second hand smoke will kill a small child. Thats right. Cigarettes have friends, they might be second hand but they love kicking baby’s asses!

That carton of cigarettes is a den of cougars. All they want to do is kill you. Put them in your mouth… they will all tear you to bloody pieces. You’ll scream and your friend Allen will puke in disgust as he violently cries. He will yell in his night terrors, “I tried to put his arm back on but it wouldn’t fit!!”

Then in a trance, your friend Allen will go to Terry Hoot and say, “I want to have a cigarette… in a lion cage… at the Exotic Feline Rescue Center,” and then Simba will say- “those cigarettes are like me… with that in common, I’m gonna tear your fucking face off!”

If that doesn’t make you quit smoking call: 224-875-2277

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