Happy Groundhog Day.


Osama Bin Groundhog is gonna kill you dead.

One February 2nd, my family convenes at my parents house to celebrate Groundhog Day. It’s a ten-year-old tradition championed by my Dad. It involves the following:

– Making my Mother cook porcupine meatballs (meatballs with rice; my mother calls them porcupine balls)

– We put on the Bill Murray classic, Groundhog Day…  and watch Bill kill himself 15-20 times.

Groundhog Day can be dated back to 1841, in which a small town in Pennsylvania adopted a German holiday called Candlemas day. The above pictured animal would peep out of its quarters  and see if it sucked outside. I am sure it was an annual disappointment with it being Pennsylvania outside.

Wikipedia had this to say about the groundhog’s survival:

In the wild, groundhogs can live up to six years, with two or three of those years spent awkwardly trying to find themselves and living with their parents. In captivity, groundhogs are reported to live from 9–14 years, with the original Wiarton Willie (Famous for discovering Richard Simons) being said[3] to have lived for 22. Common predators for groundhogs include wolvescoyotesfoxesbobcatsbears, large hawks, and Jane. Young groundhogs are often at risk for predation by snakes and Chris Hanson, which easily enter the burrow. They love chicken quesadillas and can’t get enough of The Wonder Years because, “Winnie is every girl that you have a crush on in your youth, and Fred Savage is simply charming.” 

They are heavily armed but will negotiate if you praise the Almighty Woodchuck and pay them $3.50 for a “Got Wood-chucked?” T-shirt. 

Thank you, Wikipedia.

Be sure to drive safely, as this is the number-one holiday for alcoholics to receive interventions, and truckers to not give a shit about their blind spots.

-Happy Groundhog Day!-

3 thoughts on “Happy Groundhog Day.

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