Every now and then Ben and I take our relationship a bit too far and cross the line from roommates to a married couple.
This occurs shortly after we say something of a sexual or caring nature to each other usually while spaced out watching the Science Channel. Here is our “moment” from watching Professor Brian Cox:
Andy comes home from his parents to Ben sitting on his couch watching Brian Cox talking about gravity on the Science Channel…
Ben: Look at Brian Cox, man I am falling in love with that guy.
Andy: Yeah, look at how he explains gravity. I am getting lost in his brilliance and charming nature. And the English accent, oh joy, that English accent.
Ben: You know how you get a “hall pass” for certain people? He would be mine.
Andy: Yeah, him and Brad Pitt for me.
Ben: Brad Pitt is mine. But you can have him too.
Andy: I’ll just take Tom Hanks… I wouldn’t want to go gay with you, not that your unattractive, or something…
Ben: … you don’t have to preface saying “I don’t want to go gay with you.”
Action: Excellent, if you love planes, bullets, blood and reckless destruction, this is your movie.
Dialogue: Eh. You remember how you watched Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3 and thought, man this could be written better? This is like that only you know that a 10 year old put it together.
Love Story: Comes out of no where, goes pretty much no where.
Taboo issues mentioned: Racism, segregation, alcoholism, sex addiction, carpet bombing, Nazi’s, Jets, roommates, WWII, having to repair planes.
Ending: Its like watching a cow walk into a river and drown to death.
Over all I counted about 10 subplots, 4 were taken from beginning to end. If you were high when you watched this, it would seem as epic as Saving Private Ryan. If you were sober, it was as epic as eating McDonald’s.
George Lucas took a great true story and turn it into a happy meal.
I hate the Giants. I just erased the three paragraphs I forced on to paper talking about the picture to the right. It was beautifully crafted to imitate a 60 Minutes feature, with colorful Andy Rooney-ish commentary and informative statistics about the American Breakfast.
I watched the Superbowl like the 100+ million other Americans who really just miss the Budweiser frogs. We all said we wouldn’t watch the half-time show because, “football as an institution of family values, steroids and physical abuse,” will not stand for Madonna to flop around on stage like a broken slinky. Yet some how we all can recall MIA flipping the bird while LMFAO tried to stay sober enough to do choreographed dance moves.
I watched the Superbowl and my prediction was that the Pats would win. I based this solely on Tom Brady’s vacant eyes telling me, “if I lose they will put me down.” Apparently Tommy was committing death by NFL because he figuratively, and perhaps literally shit his pants endzone to endzone the whole game.
My projections are gold currency to some people and thanks to the New York Giants, I rank somewhere below beer dice and Kim Kardashian in credibility. (Yea I probably spelled her name wrong, lets see her do better)
Now I’m hungry.
Note: I named my elliptical Jennay. After I was done building it for 2 hours, I decided that I would name it after a boat. Both a boat and an elliptical are exciting to purchase, hard to move around on dry land and everyone asks if you really use it. Both are often used to store towels, drink on and never come out of storage.
This isn’t as much of a post but really a shout-out to those Riviere’s and former Riviere’s that are having a difficult time managing the stresses of gravity.
Oldest Sister- Stay strong and upright. Baby-gates may bring a graceful, nimble woman like yourself to the living room floor, but your motherly instincts and insurance will always be at the ready. Also, I stole a medical glove from Triage 7, which made for a funny office gag later that week.
Father- I couldn’t imagine a more complicated way to get the news paper. Bending over is good enough for any man but you committed to preforming a “haymaker” WWF move on the Saturday morning Daily Herald. I am only joking about this because your injured hip and elbow are well on the mend, which I am grateful for.
Mother- While you can’t stop us from falling to the will of gravity, those of us who end up on rented hospital beds in the family room are in the best of hands. Thanks!